Have you heard this phrase in your marriage?
“Your man doesn’t have what it takes.”
When you hear it, it sounds like your own voice and perhaps the voice of one of your parents. In the spiritual battle, the tactic here is division. Consider how many ways you’ve been tempted to diminish your husband’s value in front of your peers and your parents.
For some women, God’s “honour your husband” instruction for wives is obscured by the thrill of being chosen.
They spend years rehearsing what seemed to be wrong with their husband. The rehearsal moves beyond their mouth and into their conversations with parents and close friends. Unknowingly committing treason—forsaking the vows made before God to love, honour, and cherish the husband. Completely clueless to the spiritual attack on every marriage, and certainly not knowing that they were cooperating with the Marriage Destroyer.
Marriage as a strategic target
The union of marriage is God’s design. It’s His life-sized illustration of His commitment to love you and me forever. But it’s more than just for our own personal benefit. As you and your spouse love, honour, and cherish each other, the world around you see a reflection of God loving them. But if your commitment to each other is destroyed, what will the world know of God and His enduring, merciful love?
Satan, the Marriage Destroyer, wants to shine a dishonourable, untrustworthy light on his opponent. He wants to influence as many people as he can. His schemes are aimed at destroying belief in God. He does not get to live in the perfection of heaven, and he doesn’t want anyone else to either. He wants people shaking their heads in disbelief that God’s Word is truth. And he’s happy to use you and me to make it happen.
Think about Potiphar’s wife and her attraction to Joseph. When you read Genesis 39, it sounds like she’s living the sweet life with everything she could ever want. So, why do you think she wanted Joseph all of a sudden? Her pursuit of him was relentless. Did she marry Potiphar planning to cheat on him? I doubt it. What about Joseph? We don’t hear any hint of wrongdoing in his character. He represented the character of God, and he enjoyed God’s favour. He was a strategic target.
Focus: Fear or Faith
The reality behind the divorce statistics. There is a backstory that is as old as Lucifer’s fall from heaven. He is a subtle but pervasive enemy. You’ve seen some of his victories. We focus on what is wrong. The fears of what might go wrong and what we might live without far exceeds our faith in what God could do. The advice we heed is all focused on saving ourselves from heartache.
When a person has been involved in two or more marriages/committed relationships, and both or all floundered, the moment they arrive at the conclusion that they were the common denominator in the two marriages. That morsel of humility will help them begin crying out to Jesus for help. The simple “Help me Jesus” prayers are the beginning of a beautiful story of healing and restoration.
God can and will answer prayers with opportunities for biblical counselling and extended Bible study. Time in His Word will reveal a God we can trust. Some of us had learned about God for thirty plus years but had not been relying on Him the way Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego modelled for us. We have not been honouring Him the way Daniel chose to when he risked his life by praying to Him. But today, I believe with my whole heart that nothing is impossible with God. And I’m positive that doing marriage His way is the only way.
Marriage, The Land of Promise
In the last seventeen years, God has transformed my perspective. He sent His Word and healed me. He revealed Himself as the One I could trust.
Prior to that period, marriage, the land of promise, looked impossible—hopeless. My fears were so much bigger than my faith.
Do you remember the story? Moses sent twelve spies to scope out the Promised Land. Ten of the spies acknowledged that while the land had so much to offer, there were enemies that made them feel as small and as powerless as grasshoppers. They counted the cost and said, “No, thanks.”
Caleb and Joshua were the only ones willing to go into the land anyway. The “we won’t go” boys were focused on their own abilities, and the “we can do this” fellas were sure of God’s power and ability to protect them (Numbers 13–14).
The threats (mostly our imaginations) to our marriages are scary to us. Some of us are still grasshoppers. But when we focus on God, we become excited about the great things God has planned for our married life. And you will truly love being married to your spouse. We can stand in the land of our promise with assurance that God’s presence and power are epic forces in the spiritual battles ahead. Now I know from experience that He is able to establish us and guard us against the evil one (2 Thessalonians 3:3). I’m joining the “we can do this” team and inviting brides to find God able to do more than they can ask or imagine in their marriage.
Show Up, Surrender, and Salute
A good soldier trusts the commander and obeys the orders. Our Marriage Commander has provided the armour and the training we need. It’s our job to fall in line and salute Him. Obedience to God’s Word sounds like a drag when you are more interested in doing your own thing. But when you have faced the enemy and seen yourself as a grasshopper, obeying God becomes your lifeline.
God used Isaiah 32:17 to shepherd us into his armed forces.
“And the effect of righteousness will be peace, and the result of righteousness, quietness and trust forever.”
As I read those words, my heart cried out to God. “I’ve never had peace and I want it. I want to live in obedience to You, God.” And with that prayer, we can gain a supernatural desire to do what God said to do. As a result, our mind and our marriage will be healthier than we dream possible.
Prayer: Our Most Powerful Weapon
Prayer is one of the most significant ways God shepherds us in marriage. I found praying His Word to be my effective offense and defence in the spiritual battle.
Fearful thoughts of not being enough circles our mind like vultures. Our insecurities chipped away at our intimacy. But God lovingly works the reality of 2 Corinthians 12:9 into the fabric of our heart.
But he said to us, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
God promises to fill in the gaps. He is not weak. And He offers to bring His power to my weaknesses and yours. He promises that if we will take a posture of humility, own up to our shortcomings, and acknowledge His wealth and power, He will supply what we lack.
So, Jesus, our intercessor, inspires us to pray this prayer:
“God, You can satisfy all of David’s needs. So please rest Your power on my weaknesses and use me as a vessel of Your love for my husband/spouse.”
God wants our spouses to enjoy us, just as we want to enjoy our spouses, and with faith as we draw near to God with faithfulness, He draws near to provide for us. He is the source of the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control we need to be a great partner to our spouse.
As often as we ask for His help, God replies with supernatural proportions. There is often a wait involved in receiving His answer. And this is revealed when we see ourselves responding to our spouse in a brand new way.
Another very important prayer to pray is:
“God help me to see my spouse as You see him/her.”
God wants to answer that prayer for every wife/husband because He wants us to succeed in honouring our husbands /loving our wives.
As God reveals His perspective of our spouse to us, we become strengthened to lift up our shield of faith against the fiery darts that scream “your man/woman is not enough.” This amazing God establishes us as a partner for our spouse and enables us to stand under His command.
May God shepherd you under His command and arm you with His Word so that your marriage will be a light to the world.
